I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
