Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize