He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
