i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
