I cut my penus on the lid.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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