Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
