can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
