just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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