We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
