I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
