Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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