but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
