just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
