She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
