Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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