Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
