Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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