I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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