Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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