I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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