don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
