He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
