I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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