I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We just shotgunned beers for America
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
