Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
