So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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