I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
