My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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