I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
