it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
