If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
