you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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