Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
