no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
