Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
