i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
