belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
