The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
