i think my tv is drunk
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
