just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize