so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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