my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want a musical about memes.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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