Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize