i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
