you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
