a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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