some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
