what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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