Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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