i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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