It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just found a bag of teeth...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They have beer where we have blood.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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