There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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