I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
