I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
