he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just had sex on a roof
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
