batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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