Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
