She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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