you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
