apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
