I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
