when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We need to get me chipped asap
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
