she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
