he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
