Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
