i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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