I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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