your parents love me but you hate me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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