He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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