I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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