I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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