When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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