i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
