Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
