The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
time to smoke my breakfast
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
