Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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