first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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