Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
