i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
